Today I Learned… WWE Hell In a Cell 2016

Today I Learned… WWE Hell In a Cell 2016

Hi there, Jake here! I’m just getting off of work and did my darndest to avoid spoilers of tonight’s show. Instead of me giving you a recap of the last months events for the Raw brand, let’s let WWE do it.

or not.. turns out their Youtube page only cares about Roman Reigns and Rusev. Man that U.S. Title is really in the spotlight, so that is good. Don’t worry though, even if WWE let’s us down Mark Adam Haggerty has us covered.

WWE Hell in a Cell 2016

*The video for Hell in a Cell is based on an Ouija board and it just makes me think of that Ouija movie I have seen previews for.

*I didn’t watch the preshow, but here is a video of the highlights

United States Championship Match

Rusev w/Lana vs. Roman Reigns(c)

*Lana comes out and she got a pretty big pop, also her name on the screen and announced name is “The Ravishing Russian Lana”. That is a mouthful.

*I was debating whether to link the videos after the match or before it. I’m sticking with my method of before, but if you prefer it after, please leave a comment below and you could be the one to change the format.

*Roman comes out to some boo’s. When the Shield reunites, it will be kind of weird to hear the same theme song we have been hearing for years. Except of course “Sierra, Hotel, India, Echo, Lima, Delta”

*The commentators say that Rusev is fueled by the “anger of embarrassment he felt in front of his wife”. Even though Roman interrupted their wedding celebration and continually interfered in Rusev’s life and matches. I mean Rusev did some stuff to Roman too, but that was all after the personal attack on the wedding celebration. Maybe, they could mention that Roman made fun of Rusev’s entire family.

*They start with some punches and kicks and not wrestling moves, meaning that this is a fight more than a match.

*”Let’s go Rusev/Rusev Sucks” that is a surprising chant to hear, it’s normally just reserved for John Cena and Roman Reigns. It will be interesting to see if that chant continues after this feud is over.

*For those wondering, Lana is not at ringside inside the cell.

*Fighting Roman is harder than fighting anyone on the roster, especially in a cell. He has all that rib and back padding on his wrestling attire, and you have to do way more damage to him than you would to anyone else.

*Would Hell in a Cell be more intimidating if there wasn’t a ring? What if the Cell was on the apron like a normal cage but with a roof? What I am saying is, the way they have the structure set up now, doesn’t make it that different than a normal match.

*Rusev is bleeding from the arm and the commentary team is wondering if it’s from Rusev hitting the cell.

*The fans are chanting for tables. I don’t know how I feel about that. Are they bored with the match? We are about 13 minutes into the match and we are getting table chants. Rusev didn’t care though, he grabbed the steps and rocked Roman with them enough to quiet the crowd down.

*I love innovative spots in wrestling, like when Bray Wyatt would put the kendo stick in the top turnbuckle when he was feuding with Dean Ambrose in 2014. Rusev took the steps and placed them on the top turnbuckle, hooking the bottom of the steps with the top of the ringpost.

*Rusev grabbed a table. Crowd cheered. Rusev moved the table and grabbed a kendo stick. Crowd boo’d.

*Roman did some of the most vicious kendo stick shots I have seen in a while and the crowd loved it. Great crowd manipulation during this match.

*Rusev put Roman in the Andre the Giant spot and gave Roman a receipt for all those cane shots. It was on the rib protector of Reigns’ attire but it still was good.

*They are doing the yay/boo into the signature spot part of the match but Rusev throws a curve and uses the steps on the top rope that he set up earlier in the match. That was gorgeous! I love the Chekhov’s gun spots in wrestling.

*Roman fought out of an Accolade and so Rusev had to go grab a chain from under the ring. I like it, but wonder if the commentator’s would ever be able to explain why all that stuff is under the ring.

*Rusev bites the chain as it’s wrapped around his fist, it was scary and comical at the same time.

*I like how on Smackdown and for Sami Zayn matches they call it ‘Fighting Spirit’ and on Raw they call it “a second wind”.

*Rusev brings the steps in the ring and uses a chain for his leverage in the Accolade. The chain is in Roman’s mouth!! It is an extreme visual and physically must be painful as hell. Just imagine biting on a chain while someone pulls it behind your head.

*Roman fought out of course and hit a Spear for the win.

Kevin Owens is interviewed on tonight’s match, and the powerbomb on the apron that followed Seth Rollins pinning both Jericho and Owens at the same time. Owens tells us that even though he was pinned, he wasn’t crawling in a ball in pain all night. Owens ate some ‘member berries’ and remembers when he powerbombed John Cena on the apron and it took Cena weeks to return. Basically Seth is too hurt to win tonight so Kevin is over confident.

Bayley vs. Dana Brooke

*When Bayley was on NXT, I felt emotions before her big matches.. Now..? I feel some sort of melancholy. I want to be excited and interested, but she is so one dimensional lately.

*The feud and repeated matches don’t help that either. Like, Bayley and Asuka happened twice!! We have watched these two women wrestle, both arm and professional, already multiple times. There isn’t even an emotional strain to this feud, it’s just.. I don’t even know what this feud is about!!

*The story of the match though is Bayley has an injured shoulder with K-Tape on it and Dana is working it over.

*Cole and company do a good job of pointing out how Dana is working the shoulder over, how their is tape on it. There is replays of Dana beating up Bayley yelling “I’ll break your arm.” We also get some nods to continuity by Corey Graves saying “Dana had to have picked up some traits from her time with Charlotte.”

*The crowd isn’t reacting but the commentary team is killing it at telling the multiple layers of the story in the match. Talking about Bayleys “never say die” attitude and how Dana is smart enough to have a gameplan. They play into why the wrestlers are doing what they are doing. Talking about what the girls are going through mentally, tying the arm wrestling segment into being part of Dana’s plan.

*Bayley hit a Bayley to Belly out of nowhere and won. The story was Bayley taking loads of punishment only to persevere and hit her finisher which is an instant kill.

Mick Foley meets with Stephanie McMahon they discuss Survivor Series and Stephanie says Goldberg’s name in chant form, so the crowd chants his name. Chris Jericho comes, talks about Survivor Series and puts Foley on the list and the crowd pops. Foley says if the other cell matches are as good as the first “it will be one of the great nights for Raw.”

Enzo and Cass vs. Gallows and Anderson

*Enzo says he has been with bigger girls than “Luke Gallows”. Cass calls Gallows a “Sloppy Jaloppy and will go yard upside his head like Big Papi”. Then Enzo says to Anderson “Andy, later tonight I’m gonna have to call Big Cass “Woody” because he will have Andy on the bottom of his boot.” A great Toy Story reference.

*This is the lowest rung on the WWE tag team ladder. The loser is by far the worst team on the show right? I mean they got Golden Truth to battle, but it’s a very close race to the bottom.

*As Enzo gets beaten down with a tree of woe dropkick by Gallows the crowd chants “Andy” to taunt Anderson, who no sells it.

*When Anderson hits that kick to the head from the apron he’s been doing, he says “Hi-Yah” and it makes me laugh everytime.

*This match follows the normal Enzo and Cass routine. Enzo gets beat up for a bit, tags in Cass who single handedly takes out the other team. Then it ends in one of two ways. Cass tags in Enzo and they win or Cass tags in Enzo and they lose. It’s smart because we as viewers remember Cass as the dominant one, who will be believable as a top contender in the future and if Enzo win’s or loses, it doesn’t impact Cass.

*Enzo lost this time.

WWE Universal Championship

Kevin Owens(c) vs. Seth Rollins

*The video package before has had Jericho basically narrate the whole story going into the match. Which is, Kevin is an undeserving champion and Seth is trying to break up Owens and Jericho’s friendship. This all while Jericho isn’t even in the match.

*If it matters to anybody, Owens came in first and the commentators mentioned how it looked like he was kind of timid on entering the cell. Kept saying things like “no turning back now.”

*Rollins comes out in his wrestling attire which also has padding on his back, stomach and chest. Cole says this is Seth Rollins “16th consecutive pay-per-view in a row where he battled for a title.” Graves tells us that Rollins looked frail in the back before the show.

*Owens rolls out of the ring as the match starts and goes for a weapon, showing that he is fighting scared like the commentators have been saying. Seth chase’s Owens with K-Tape on his back and Cole makes sure to point out that the tape signifies Rollins’ back being hurt.

*Seth Rollins grabbed a table. The crowd asked for it all night, but it took babyface ass Seth Rollins to take it out. The crowd then chanted “Table”. This is funny.

*Owens starts working over Rollins back and Cole freaks out while telling us how bad this is for Rollins. He even does his patented “n-n-n-n-n-nnnoooo”. Like a parent stopping their toddler from spilling their drink on purpose.

*Owens rips off the K-Tape and Cole legit says “Ow”.

*Based on how the crowd is reacting to this match. Thank goodness this didn’t follow Charlotte and Sasha. Sasha is from Boston and that’s where this show is. Owens constantly has had to follow Sasha Banks matches when they both are in title matches, both on NXT and the main roster.

*I can’t really help but feel how much better this match would be with a bit of blood. Now there is a “Save The Trees” chant as a non-table chant. This crowd has an obsession with tables.

*Owens and Rollins got the crowd roaring with a crazy sequence with superkicks and jumping kicks and lariats.

*The same people that chanted “Save the Tables” cheered when Owens grabbed a table… I DON’T GET IT!

*Owens sets a table up against the cage over the top of another table. The way he put it together was brilliant. He first started with one table, then noticed the other and kind of set them next to eachother and then kind of looked at them with a perplexed face. After he set up the tables he smiled with a hint of pride.

*Owens got the referee in the face with a fire extinguisher. They need to take the ref out of the ring and out of the cell.. THE DOOR IS OPEN!!!

*Jericho enters the cell and locks himself in! We could have some Freebird shit going on.

*Rollins takes Jericho out fairly quickly and it is back to one-on-one.

*Jericho intervenes a bit later and gets Pedigree’d immediately.

*Rollins sets up a powerbomb the way he does a buckle bomb and almost dropped Owens on his head. The commentators talk about Seth’s back but damn my heart skipped a beat. Owens gets powerbombed through his table structure.

*Jericho takes out the second ref, Rollins grabbed Jericho, beat him down and then Bucklebombed Jericho into the cage, which ended up showing Jerichos butt-crack. I knew that move was dangerous, I just didn’t know it was dangerous to the viewer.

*The story turns to Jericho and Owens destroying Rollins. Rollins fights back a bit but is easily overwhelmed.

*Owens powerbombs Seth Rollins through two chairs and Cole goes “N-n-n-n-n-nooo” Owens wins. Now on Monday, we get Jericho claiming he saved Kevin Owens and Owens saying he could have won without the help because he did not expect Jericho to be involved. As Jericho and Owens left, Owens screamed “get me out of here.” Jericho Codebreakered Seth Rollins and celebrated in the ring as Owens was walking up the ramp.. Letting us kind of know that Jericho won the match as much as Owens did.

Cruiserweight Championship Match

Brian Kendrick vs. TJ Perkins (c)

*The story is, Kendrick is on his last run with the company and needs wins to stay relevant. TJ Perkins is the champion and has beaten Kendrick. Kendrick keeps losing so he is asking TJ to let him win. The backstory is Brian Kendrick drove TJP to wrestling school at the beginning of their careers. So will TJ let Kendrick win? Will Kendrick win with TJ trying his hardest but Kendrick not believing him?

*Cole tells us all cruiserweight matches must begin with a handshake.

*The match starts off with TJ going for pins so Cole says at least we know Perkins won’t just lay down for Kendrick.

*Kendrick keeps getting out-wrestled, gets angrier and starts losing his temper.

*Kendrick took TJ’s hand tape off halfway and then taped TJP to the bottom of the rope so Brian could get a good attack in.

*Watching this cruiserweight division in comparison to WCW’s makes me think WCW’s was a well orchestrated high speed destruction derby and WWE’s is Nascar. Nascar or WWE lite, nothing too different, still your typical formula with wear down holds and everything.

*Some fan very audibly yelled at Kendrick “get a F****** haircut”, that’s how quiet the rest of the crowd is.

*They trade finishing submission maneuvers and both fight out of it. The commentators are doing their best to add excitement to the match. It isn’t a bad match by any means. Very psychological, but not high energy, which is what we thought it would be when we thought of Cruiserweights.

*Speaking of psychology, Kendrick missed sliced bread and “hurt his ankle” but he played opossum and was able to hit a headbutt and a Captains Hook for the win. Brian sold his foot and the ref almost stopped the match, Perkins was so worried he ended up checking on Kendrick and getting got.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Sheamus and Cesaro vs. The New Day

*The story is that Sheamus and Cesaro had a best of seven series of matches, with the winner getting a title shot. On match 7 they had a draw. That made it so they would face the tag champions by decree of Mick Foley. Sheamus and Cesaro don’t like or respect each other. They got a few wins and maybe are turning the corner towards a friendship but the animosity runs strong. Oh, and New Day are champions and very close to beating the record for longest reigning tag champions. New Day thinks Cesaro is cool and Sheamus is hot garbage.

*Cesaro is wearing K-Tape, but that is like part of his attire because he has worn it for months. Always on his shoulder, sometimes more on parts of his body, but always the shoulder.

*The New Day version is Xavier Woods and Big E. Xavier went for a flying headscissors to set Cesaro up in the middle ropes and Cesaro ended up having to crawl to the ropes and place himself on the middle rope.

*The commentating states that both Cesaro and Sheamus state they can win single handed. Corey Graves says he could commentate alone and Cole says “there is a lot of other people I can commentate with.”

*Xavier and Cesaro had another spot where Cesaro was doing his multiple running uppercuts to the corner and Xavier was supposed to get his foot up to block it. The first attempt didn’t go well so they had to do it again.

*Big E and Xavier wrestle like Enzo and Cass. Big E only comes in to do damage as Xavier only gets beaten up. That makes me hope for a Big E vs. Cass match after they both develop as singles stars.

*Big E legit drags Xavier to the ropes to tag himself in. Then Xavier tags himself back in and through all the commotion Sheamus accidentally Brogue kicked Cesaro, but was able to break up the pinfall.

*Sheamus jumped off the top rope onto The New Day who were on the outside. Cesaro almost got counted out but Sheamus threw Cesaro into the ring.

*Cesaro had the Sharpshooter on Xavier Woods, Sheamus hit Big E with Francesca II (the trombone), Kofi got mad and hit Sheamus with Trouble in Paradise. The ref saw Kofi interfere and called for a disqualification. Cesaro and Sheamus win but New Day retain. Sheamus saved the match so Cesaro could win, but then blew the end. Cesaro was knocked loopy from the Brogue Kick and so his idea of what happened is cloudy. That will make Raw interesting.

WWE Woman’s Championship Match


Charlotte Flair vs. Sasha Banks (c)

*Queen Charlotte comes out on a throne!! Love it. Cole states that Charlotte is 13-0 all-time in singles matches at pay-per-views. She is 12-0 in title matches. Cole says this is the longest streak in any career male or female. He also states she will be a three time champion if she wins. Question.. Will Charlotte hold the title more than 16 times?

*LOUD “We Want Sasha” chants.

*Sasha comes out in her Escalade with security.. Last time she did that, she lost her title to Bayley in NXT in Brooklyn..

*The commentators point out how many firsts Sasha Banks has had in her career, main eventing and ironwoman matches.

*As the cell lowers Charlotte throws Sasha outside of the ring and they had to stop the cell from lowering. The fight goes into the crowd. Cole says the bell hasn’t rang, so the match hasn’t started yet. Once they get back from the crowd, the cell has completely lowered. Sasha sets up the announcer’s table and the crowd starts getting loud. Charlotte climbs the cell and the crowd gets louder, the sound grows and grows. The women climb halfway up the cell and Charlotte fell. Sasha tries to climb down but Charlotte grabs her and slams her through the table. We are five minutes in.

*Sasha is hurt, she is holding her back and crawling around. The ref keeps helping her, she pushes the ref away and keeps falling down. Charlotte is pushed back multiple times “We Want Sasha” from the crowd but Sasha keeps falling down. She is writhing in pain and Charlotte keeps taunting. The ref asks for EMT’s and medical attention.

*Sasha is crying as she gets a neckbrace on and Charlotte is asking for her title. Michael Cole said the match never started so the title shouldn’t change hands. Charlotte is singing “na na na na, hey hey hey goodbye.” A camera cable got stuck on Sasha Banks neckbrace and it started choking her.

*Jojo starts announcing that Charlotte wins by forfeit and is the new champion. That is when Sasha ripped off her brace and punched a few EMT’s and got into the cell.

*Charlotte runs a bit but gains confidence and composure after she monkey flips Sasha into the cell. The move is re-shown in slow motion and Sasha landed on the top of her shoulders and bottom of her neck.

*Charlotte keeps on the pressure with a variety of moves and that makes her bring a chair into the match. Sasha is able to dive onto Charlotte into the cell but instantly holds her back in pain.

*Banks sets the chair up in the middle of the ring. The commentators get a little quiet as Charlotte screams “you will respect me.”

*Sasha is able to drop Charlotte’s face on the chair, but Charlotte fights back and does a back breaker to Banks on the chair with Cole saying “n-n-n-n-nnnooo”, so you know that it was serious. A bit later Sasha was spidermaning off the side of the cell dropping her double knees onto Charlotte, so not that serious.

*Sasha hits the “Three Amigo’s” and the crowd chants “Eddie”. That was very cool. Sasha hits the Frog Splash and only gets two. The crowd audibly “ooohhhaaahhhhh’d”

*They were replaying the nearfall and Graves says “wait you guys, Sasha has the BankStatement locked in.” In an unintentionally humorous save.

*Sasha does a double knees in the corner onto Charlotte with a chair on the lower rope while Charlotte was on the middle. That got a two count and “this is awesome” chant.

*Sasha and Charlotte are fighting on the top rope over a table on the outside, and I get that feeling I always get when they wrestle. An anxious feeling that one of them will be permanently injured. Charlotte slipped and hit the table, which fell cause the table legs broke. So Sasha grabs another table. Charlotte pushes the table as Banks is lifting it and gets Sasha’s head pinned against the cell and the table..

*I really only write the parts of the match that tell a part of the story that is going on in the match. This match has no wasted movement. When Charlotte puts the Figure Eight in and Sasha fights it off with a chair to the hip. When they go blow for blow as Charlotte yells “RESPECT ME”. When Charlotte hits consecutive backbreakers, only gets two, and starts violently pointing to herself to show that frustration is kicking in but she still believes that she can win. Her will is not broken. Neither is Sasha’s, who is laid on the table but is able to fight off of it and reposition the table herself. Then went for a running powerbomb to the table but having her back give out. Getting thrown into the table and rolling back off of it perfectly to get hit with Natural Selection to lose her title in her hometown.

*That match had me captivated.

Final Thoughts

*The pay-per-view was fun for me. I am easily entertained when it comes to wrestling. Some of the matches weren’t as good as the others, but the commentary or crowd kept me interested throughout.

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I am Jake.. and that is all I know.. for now.




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